Friday, November 18, 2011

Breakup 101, Episode 1: Change your bed karma

Change your bed karma.

After struggling to fall asleep every single night for the first week of my separation, I went out to Bed Bath & Beyond and bought myself, not just new sheets, but new sheets, a new down comforter, a new duvet cover, new pillowcases and 4 new pillows.  And I bought the most girly and silky-satin feeling ones I could find, not because I usually am all that girly with my home decor, but just because I could. Frankly, I didn't care if I ended up spending (or rather, charging) $1,000 dollars (I only spent $600, and I only charged half) ... but I was leaving that store with an entire new place to fall asleep no matter what.

No matter how many times I washed the old sheets and blankets, they still smelled like him. Two of the pillow cases still had bleached out smears from the prescription face wash he sometimes used for the strange scalp acne he had on the back of his head. And I couldn't wash out the memories.

In my new sheets, under my warm comforter that he never would have allowed due to being one who sleeps way too hot (like, think human radiator), with my head on fresh pillows that he hasn't ever laid his head on to dream, I feel free to dream new dreams. Free to make new memories, even if most of them these day only involve waking up at 4 AM to a dog who snores and hogs the bed and a 14 month old little munchkin who does the same.  I've changed my bed karma, literally and metaphorically, and unlike Miranda from Sex and the City ("If you build it, he will come") I'm not looking for anyone new to share it with. There isn't any room.

4 comments:

  1. Oh that is such an awesome idea and I am so glad you did that! I bet it felt empowering, almost. That's how I felt when I moved into my first place alone, for the very first time. Looked around...all of it was MINE and ONLY mine!!

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  2. It did feel empowering! I also moved from our house in VA back to New England (where I was born, raised and went to college) which was the BEST decision. I am renting, money is tight and we are doing a short sale on our house ... but to be in my own place with my dog and son where the STBX and I have made any memories together is liberating and healing. Its starting over again back home too; I have a ton of family and friends around for support. A fresh start in a familiar place surrounded by those that love and support me. It is wonderful.

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  3. Catching up. this brought happy tears to my eyes. Especially the very last sentence. Good for you!

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  4. I'm thrilled people are actually reading this stuff, never mind liking what I have to say and commenting. It is a total confidence booster and motivator to keep at it.

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