Wednesday, November 23, 2011

I may be the one that left, but it still hurts.

For the record, yes I am starting over and the goal is indeed to start over "wonderful", whatever that may mean. But this blogging crap is supposed to be a journey to get there and I should probably warn you now ... I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about half the time or even where I am exactly on this journey towards wonderful.  Sometimes, I'm driving ahead full throttle with the rear-view mirror torn off while C happily babbles behind me in his car seat. The windows are down, the wind is in my hair and commercial-free radio plays all of my favorite songs. And we are just fine. Other times, I'm broken down on the side of the road with a flat tire, no spare and a cell phone with no signal. Oh and C is with me and he's hungry and/or tired and I'm more-than-likely out of fresh diapers. Most of the time, I think I'm just making wrong turns and getting the direction towards where ever wonderful actually is completely confused.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and it will be my first holiday on this new journey. It will be my first big social gathering with family without the STBX by my side. And I'm sure there will be questions that I don't want to answer and discussions that I'm more than sick of having, and all the while the only thing I really need is the sympathy and compassion we as humans always tend to give the dumpee and not the dumper in these situations. Because I'm hurting too. The only difference between the pain I'm going through right now and the pain the STBX might be going through is that I've been experiencing the emotional hell that comes with being abandoned since I was 6 months pregnant with our son and he's only just now experiencing it.

Frankly, I am sick of hurting and know that it is time to get beyond the hurt. Separating right before the holidays has to be the only part of leaving that I didn't think through all that well.

6 comments:

  1. Yup... it hurts just as much to be the one who calls it off.

    Someone told me that I could expect to be in an active grief cycle for approximately 1 month for every year we were together, plus 1 month for every year past 30. So we were together 7 years... and I was 34 when we broke up. that's 11 months. And that makes perfect sense to me. All these crazy things have come up that make me realize it really is going to take at least that 11 months (really a year) to actively grieve... and perhaps beyond that.

    Hang in there. The little holidays have sucked for me... so I'm not looking forward to the big ones. But my therapist looked me deep in the eyes this week and said, "You WILL get through this. Might not be fun. Might not be ideal. But you WILL survive." Trying to hang onto that.

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  2. you say "abandoned since I was 6 months pregnant" what do you mean? Do you know what or why he changed or at least what he claims his reason was?

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    1. Hope my most recent posts have answered some of these questions!

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  3. Of course it still hurts even when you are the one that left. I wish I sent this to you sooner...but check out Emma's blog and her post on post-divorce holidays. It's a great read. (i contributed to this post, it was fun to do too!) http://divorcedbefore30.com/2011/11/23/post-divorce-holiday-advice/

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  4. Thanks for the advice Jolene. I had actually seen that post too and loved it.

    Thanks, Jen. ((hugs)) right back at you :)

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