Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Judgey Wudgey was a Bear

Wait. That's not how that nursery rhyme goes, is it?

Fuzzy wuzzy was a bitch ... 

Shit, that ain't right either!  Maybe my head is what is truly fuzzy from lack of adequate sleep?

Photo Credit: firstwivesworld.com
Last night I stayed up finishing, or rather doing, since it never really is ever finished, huge heaps of laundry while also paying bills, organizing my office and working on a case for my real job.  I also couldn't sleep because I'm a tad broke at the moment and balancing a single, divorcing mother's budget before bed is equivalent to taking an insomnia-pill in place of a sleeping-pill. I'm in pretty desperate need of that highly-coveted green paper with the dead presidents printed on it.

Attorney fees thus far now hover around $6,000, before either of us even files for divorce, and while our house teeters precariously between hopeful short-sale and foreclosure no-man's land. I could have a coronary from the stress any day now, I swear ...

In case I needed a reminder that my number one priority is to care and provide for my son as a single, divorcing mother (um, I didn't), my first blogsphere-hater has stepped-up, rather uninvited. Thank GAWED, she said something! I'm such a "bad mother", I might have spent all my time blogging and completely forgot about all of my priorities and responsibilities.

*smirk*

In all honesty, I'm actually thankful for the hater cowardly "sharing".  I mean, okay okay ... her name is "Jess" something; the tiny avatar fronting the private/hidden blogger profile is a tad less pitiful than taking a dump on someone's blog while hiding behind the pseudonym of "anonymous". But only by a cunt-hair, which I'm sure she has plenty of. She probably spends so much time being such an awesome mother compared to me, she hasn't shaved her bikini-line since before her first kid was conceived. Good mother's don't have time for that.

*smirk*, again.

Anyway, why am I thankful for the hater? Well, she inspired quite a few readers to throw me some virtual ass-slaps, words of encouragement and all around positive support (awe, super warm fuzzies, for real) and she brought a fairly large amount of traffic here that's quite unusual for me so many days out from the most recent post going up. Most importantly, the hater's lame tirade reminded me how little I care about the negative opinions of others when those opinions are nothing but hateful spite void of even the tiniest crumb of constructive criticism.

And that's the key, I think. My head is clearing now as I write this ...

The judgement and criticism of others isn't worth anything if its constructive merit doesn't stack up against the constructive merit of your own personal judgement and criticism.


Haters are gonna hate. People are always going to throw rocks at things that shine. That's just the way it goes and it's been that way since Moses wore short pants. So, whenever you're faced with judgement (and if you're going through a divorce, you will be faced with mountains of it), try to pause somehow while dodging the onslaught of an attack and attempt to identify and weigh the attacker's constructive merit. Resist the urge to either completely internalize or completely dismiss the negativity and instead, search for the truth, if any exists at all. In order to do this successfully, you'll need to start criticizing yourself constructively on a regular basis. Otherwise, at gut-check time you'll be out of practice so you'll be pummeled regardless -- truth or no truth flung at you with the rest of the mud and shit -- and it will undoubtedly bring you down every single time.

You need to learn how to judge yourself so that the judgement of others only matters to you if it stacks up against your own. 

How do you "judge" yourself? Learn to be self-critical without beating yourself up or harping on your faults to the point that you become depressed, but practice this type of soul-searching regularly so you may become not only aware of your own truths and your own falsities, but familiar with them.

Take whatever stigmas and stereotypical labels out there that you are aware of and play "myth busters" with yourself, your life and whatever situation you might be in. Take any negativity you've experienced, whether self-inflicted, from someone or something external, fabricated in your own mind or actually thrown your way from a "hater", and consider what could possibly make the negativity true and what could possibly make it false.  Since YOU are ultimately the only person that knows what's best for your own life, you are your best judge of what is true or false about your own life.

If this little game of self-judgment is practiced somewhat regularly in your mind, you'll find yourself much better prepared for war; taking mud slung at you from anyone at face value for what its worth, while dodging the rest of the shit that comes with an attack.  Then, when you tell people (especially haters and naysayers!) that you don't care what they think, you'll actually mean it more often than not! In this life, fuzzy wuzzy may have been a bear but judgey wudgey IS always a bitch ... and what better time to learn how to put that bitch in her place while you're going through something as harrowing as divorce before turning 30?

"Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is more important than the judgement we pass on ourselves." ~ Nathaniel Branden 

9 comments:

  1. A lot of truth in what you said about self-judgement. Especially when others are heaping on their judgments...

    And just remember...whoever the person is...they're reading your blog. Not the other way around. :)

    Keep your head up!

    PS...This is hilarious: "That's just the way it goes and it's been that way since Moses wore short pants."

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    1. Yup, I am loving the increased traffic lately! It is exciting. The more people reading, the more I want to write. Its a vicious but wonderful cycle.

      Oh and the hilarity re: Moses and his short pants is a quote from HBO's "The Soprano's". Another one of my favorites, besides SATC, that isn't actually anymore (others are "Friends" and "Six Feet Under"). All the great shows have come and gone! Or maybe it just seems that way since, as a single divorcing Mom who spends all of her free time blogging, I don't have time to watch TV. ;)

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  2. Phenom, my friend, you have what most on the interweaves call a "troll". Oh sure they will put on their judgy pants, but really they are pathetic specimens who have nothing better to do than pass judgement on others. Those who really know you (and don't spend their time trolling for places and people to judge) know that you are an amazing person and mother
    Who is doing an amazing job with the shitty hand you've been dealt. So, laugh at the trolls...and thank them. B/c they do bring more of the right kind of traffic to your blog. Just hold your hand in front of your forehead in an 'L' shape and laugh at the losers. Smooches <3

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  3. Ugh.. Typing on an iPhone. *interwebs is my word and the new paragraph should not be there starting with who. Sorry, I hate bad typing!

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    Replies
    1. LOL, it's all good. iPhone typing usually voids my grammar and formatting skills too. Not to mention that damn auto-correct!!

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  4. Okay, seriously, the haters need to stop. Get a life, people. Just sayin. And uh, email me more about this commenter...IP addy etc. I had an issue with someone awhile back, kinda curious if it is the same person masquerading...she started hitting others on my blogroll, which is why I mention it ;)

    ReplyDelete

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