Monday, March 26, 2012

Life's Truths from Phenom's Perspective

In honor of turning twenty-ten, I thought I would take a moment (um, actually this post took me weeks to put together, but "a moment" sounded nicer) to share a few truths about life, and about myself, that I've either already learned or that I am still trying my very best to both learn and understand.

I chose to list 13 "bits of wonderful truth" because I'm challenging my luck these days. Or lack thereof. Sometimes, I swear I'm the unluckiest person in the world (my Nana won't even scratch her lotto tickets near me because to her, I am the "kiss of death") but that's a different post for a different day.

Truth it took 30 years to learn:  
Phenom's Perspectives on this Wonderful Life

1.   Love is everything and it is mandatory. Love drives us, teaches us, molds us, changes us and is the root of our existence. You had better learn the matters of love to the best of your ability if you plan on thriving throughout your life's journey.  No one will ever really know answers to questions like, "Why are we here?" or "What is the meaning of all of this?" But if I had to take an educated guess thus far, we must love first or we will never even hope to understand anything. We must love ourselves, we should love others and, for some, we ought to love God or the equivalent thereof depending on what we believe.

2.  Coasting through is not an option, so pay attention!  Life lacks a road map, so take advantage of the information booths (read, lessons) scattered along the roads as you travel through. Don't just coast by with your head up your own butt. Make mistakes, wrong turns, circle around the same bad neighborhood once or twice if you must; but take everything in as much as possible with all of your senses and use your brain accordingly. Don't just keep moving blindly, letting good knowledge go to waste. Where and how far you end up in life's journey is not a matter of luck; you are the only one driving the damn car! Take the blindfold off, deactivate the cruise control and fucking navigate already! Lest you like driving around in circles endlessly and getting nowhere? 

3.   Play the hand that you've been dealt. Fate will deal you both blessings and bullshit subsequently taking your journey places you never really planned to go. I know, I know. I just said that you are the one driving the car ... but what about what happens around the car and to the car as you go? It really isn't what happens to you that matters; it's what you do about it and how you react. Make choices to either high-five that bitch named Fate, or beat her at her own game. Squirrel jumps out into the road in front of you and what do you do? Slow down and give the little indecisive rat all the time he needs to run back and forth five times before scurrying off to safety? Or do you just speed up and nail the sucker? Whatever you decide, the choice is always yours.  Don't deny yourself chances to effectively deal with whatever it is that is thrown at you as you travel along by failing to recognize your ability to make choices. 

3.   Life isn't fair. First you must accept this, realize there isn't much you can to do to change it and then freakin' deal with it already. Sure, you can make little bitty issues or conundrums in life have an as-fair-as-possible outcome or solution. But in the big scheme of things? Life is just totally not fair. Accept, deal and move on! As a parent, this is a lesson I will ingrain in my offspring from an early age; I've even contemplated making shit completely unfair on purpose, just so they get used to the idea sooner rather than later.

Photo Credit: forbes.com

4.  Heartbreak is not a death sentence. As mandatory as love is (see item no. 1), and as wonderful as it can be when its real or true, with love often comes pain. At least, sometimes. Especially when it is a mistake or just full of mistakes. Ultimately, I've learned that heartbreak will not kill me as much as the hurt, pain, disappointment and devastation of a love gone wrong may make me feel as if I might die while I'm going through it. I'm still here, aren't I?  Realize that when your heart breaks, that pain you feel is life reminding you that you are still alive; you're not dead and your journey isn't over.  

5.   What doesn't kill you will make you stronger only if you let it. Your other choices are wounded and bitter. As previously mentioned, the choice is there for the taking and it is yours and yours alone to make.  However, after trudging through shit most people are surprised to find that they don't automatically come out clean on the other side. I've been in that shit-covered state of shock a few times myself. Experience has taught me that you actually have to do stuff to rise up clean out of a pile of shit. You know, like take a shower? At least some effort on your part needs to take place. 

6.  Time is never going to be on your side, so spend it wisely and manage it effectively. Um, yeah ... I have ADHD, so this one is something I still struggle with regardless of how aware of its truth I really am.  But it is true. How else can you explain how time drags by at a snail's pace whenever you are waiting for something to happen, you're bored, restless and/or unhappy but then it flies by in a blink of an eye whenever you are enjoying something, busy, chugging along wonderfully and/or happy? Time also can stand still and fly by all at the same time, so figure that one out will ya? Time is not your friend. Speaking of friends ... 

8.  Friends will come and go and those few who are true will keep coming back so long as you do too.  A few good friends is all you need. Friendships, like all relationships, take work, time, energy, dedication and love and since you're only going to get what you put in with friends, don't spread yourself too thin.  When it comes to friends, it is more about quality rather than quantity.

9.  Never sacrifice who you are just because someone has a problem with it. Ever. Be true to yourself, be who you want to be and so long as you are happy with your life and its direction, be on your way. Don't let other people's opinions and judgement take you down roads you don't want to go.

10.  Judgement is often an ugly hat to wear, but we all put it on anyway. We each have our own opinion and personal agenda, therefore it is impossible not to judge others around us as we travel along on our own journey. Most of the time, our judgement is faulty, misguided and hastily formed and it is only through experience (read, misjudging) can we learn to trust our own judgement enough where we can express it appropriately and only when absolutely necessary.

11.   Sex is more important than most people will admit. Why do you think sex sells? Because we need it and that is a biological fact. If more people would acknowledge this need, maybe we could start talking about it and dealing with it in a way that doesn't create shame, guilt, fear, molestation, rape and pornography and/or sexual addictions. Unfortunately, there aren't many people out there who openly talk about sex and who aren't ashamed of their activeness in getting it or not getting it. Few truly want to see less objectification and more education on what constitutes a healthy attitude about sex. Most are too busing judging other's sexuality (see item no. 10) or having miserably boring sex themselves to give a fuck. Pun intended.

12.   If you can't laugh at yourself, you're screwed (and not in a good way).  Life is absurd and most of what we do day in and day out is pretty damn ridiculous. If you can keep a sense of humor in the face of adversity, and have the courage to make light of your personality quirks, mistakes made and all those times you've tripped going up a flight of stairs you'll probably decrease your risk of heart attack or stroke and increase your overall level of joy.  I tripped over my own two feet in a department store a few weeks ago and knocked over an entire rack of purses with my face. As I picked myself up, I proclaimed "I just wanted to see if this thing could hold me up AND all these bags!"  My fellow shoppers within earshot cracked up right along with me. Sometimes, we are all stupid and we are even more so if we can't even laugh about it.

13.   Everyone has regrets and whoever says otherwise is a big fat liar. It is one thing to live in the past agonizing over your shoulda, coulda, wouldas. It is another thing to admit that you've made some mistakes and that you regret the consequences of those mistakes.  I have regrets and I've learned valuable lessons because of them.  I am more proud of my personal growth that's come about from acknowledging my regrets than I am ashamed of my many many screw ups.  

3 comments:

  1. This was a great post. And I hope you have a GREAT birthday. :-)

    ...too funny about you tripping... I do that all the time, it's quite ridiculous.

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.

      As for my turning 30, that's something I'm celebrating every day, the whole year through :)

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  2. Wow. I agree with EVERY one of these. These life truths are life's mantras and mottos too, aren't they? #4 and 5 really resonated most with me. What a great GREAT post, filled with experience and wisdom. You are learning so SO much, aren't you?

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