Friday, March 2, 2012

Phenom: Uncut and Uncensored

There's something terribly wrong with the family court system in this country. Just saying that here, on the public interwebs, regardless that this is my very own personal blog ... well, some family court judge somewhere will probably try to shut me down as soon as my inflammatory statements circle around to the right places.

My son: acting judge in a mock courtroom, just his size.
He knows something is eff'd up too, just look at his face!

To be the assclown that I so am (why oh why hasn't a font for conveying utter sarcasm been invented yet?), I'll even go so far as to allege that the family court system is not only unfair, corrupt and totally biased to those with unlimited amounts of cash, but it also seems to exist in its own little fairyland of a bubble within our justice system where "justice" is not served under the letter of the law as it is in other court systems in this country.  Divorcing couples are at the mercy of which lawyer has the judge in their back pocket and custody fights are so complicatedly crazy, I would need to write 100 more blog posts just to get started on the insanity of it all.  Then there's litigation abuse the court system is oblivious to, that narcissistic sociopaths are so very aware of and are using to their manipulative advantages ... and, you can forget about serving and protecting the "best interests" of the children. That concept is such an utter failure, it makes me sick to my stomach. But, I digress ....

Now, I'm new to this whole arena, as I have only been legally separated from the STBX since early October of last year (believe me you, this separation IS dragging on forever and a day and I think I might wither away and die if the actual divorce phase takes as long). I'm also totally inexperienced since we didn't fight over our custody arrangement (we have joint legal custody and I have primary physical custody, if you're really that nosy curious).  Instead, we agreed outright how to arrange the custody given the circumstances at the time.  We've actually only had one contested hearing to settle disputed contingencies for visitation, with a follow-up hearing now set for this June. That's it.

Accordingly, I really am a newbie on this subject and maybe, given that fact, I should just keep my mouth shut.

But I won't.


I was brought up to believe that one small voice can make a huge difference in the world and for that alone, I will never shut up when I feel that certain things must be said. Some say I'm sassy, others might just say that I'm a loud-mouth (er, bitch), I say that I'm just being honest. To me, shutting up when things are going horribly wrong would be no worse than spreading lies to paint a picture that things are instead going blissfully right. I was also taught not to tell lies, so there you go. My Momma is very proud, don't you worry.

Another reason why I won't put a sock in it? Why I won't ever stop flappin' my gums? Oh those pesky little civil liberties afforded to me through the Constitution of this place that I call home .... most importantly, the First Amendment of that Constitution.

Freedom Of MotherLovin' Speech, Baby. As a blogger, I take that right seriously. Very, very seriously.

The family court systems should also be taking that right seriously when handing down decisions and court orders, but they're not. Just ask Anthony Morelli. Or Marc Byron. Regardless of whether or not I think these two men are douches is beside the point. Douches have civil rights too, you know.

This is getting way out of hand.

I keep hearing stories throughout the blogsphere and in the media that my right to say things like, "Yo, my STBX is a douche canoe y'all" is actively being threatened by an already defunct and corrupt family court system, and the gears inside my brain have come to a screeching halt to the point where I can't concentrate on anything else for awhile; except maybe fantasies of parading down Constitution Avenue with a bull horn shouting "Douche Canoe! Douche Canoe!" over and over until I'm rightfully arrested for disturbing the peace, not for simply stating my opinions.

Getting arrested wouldn't be very productive, now would it? I've cooled down enough over the past couple of days since the Marc Byron story first broke to realize that. I'm opinionated, not delusional.

I'm also motivated. Motivated to do what exactly at this point, I'm not so sure yet. Stay tuned. I'm sure it will be wonderful. While I sit and think about what road to travel next here on my journey to start over, I will come here to my blog and maintain that I will NOT shut the fuck up in the meantime. As fellow divorcee and kick-ass blogger, Mikalee Byerman, has also proudly declared in the face of being threatened to do just that by her own douche canoe of an ex.

I'm also going to encourage you, faithful reader, to partner up with Anthony Morelli and his on-going campaign to save the right to free speech in custody cases.  He may be a douche, but the man has just cause.

Moreover, if you're totally ambitious like me and the known injustices of the family court system has really lit a fire under your ass (mine is burning, let me tell you!), you can also team up with Tina Swithin over at onemomsbattle.com and join her campaign to change the family court system back to serving and protecting the best interests of our children.

If the recent travesty of the Susan Powell case has taught us anything, it's that something needs to change and nothing will ever change for the better if we all just shut the fuck up while things are at their worst.

18 comments:

  1. I feel like you have ALOT of problems. You fell in love with this guy, married him, had a baby with him and now dont want him to see his kid? There are alot of children out there that dont have parents and it is sad. Putting you childs picture on here is prob not the best idea either cause it now makes all of us feel bad because you have put him in the middle. You are saying your baby daddy is like Susan Powells husband and that is not right. Your husband prob cares alot about his son and you are making him out to be a monster. There is two sides to every story and Im sure you have faults too. Im sure he is not BLOGGING about you to the world. I have read many of your blogs and just feel like you need to spend more time with your son having his father in his life and less time putting yourself on a high horse.

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    1. Thank you for your insightful comment that you so very bravely have put out, anonymous. *Snort*

      This blog post was not about my own personal divorce, separation, custody or visitation debacle, but rather about an overall picture of what is going on in the family court system ... if you have something intuitive to say about that by all means, my ears are open.

      You say I have problems, don't we all? What sort of problems do you think I have that makes me inferior to you, oh great one?

      Yes, I did fall in love with my STBX. For all the wrong reasons that I need not get into in retort to your absurdity. I made a huge mistake. I have outwardly admitted in many blog posts here that I fell in love with the wrong person, at the wrong time, for all of the wrong reasons. I have also maintained that I don't believe that I should have to pay for those mistakes for rest of my life. Accordingly, we are divorcing and I haven't been shy in my efforts to self-reflect and determine my own contribution to this big ol' mess I find myself and my son in these days.

      Not only is my son not "in the middle" of anything, but not once have I said anything here on this blog relating his dad to the likes of Josh Powell. Nor have I "made him" out to be a monster. I simply am blogging facts of my situation, what I am up against when it comes to protecting the best interests of my son and how I am trying my very best to cope with it all.

      You, my faithful hater (er, reader), are the one seemingly with too much time on your hands. Why are you spending so much time reading my blog anyway? Don't YOU have anything better to do?

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    2. P.S. You say you've read much of my blog, but maybe you missed my previous post where I loudly proclaimed why exactly comments like yours are retarded and only serve the purposes of fueling my desires to share my story even more.

      Here: http://startingoverwonderful.blogspot.com/2012/02/judgey-wudgey-was-bear.html

      Basically, I know what is true and what is not. I also have a large circle of support comprised of great friends and loyal family backing me up every single step of the way and frankly, the only opinions that really REALLY matter to me are my own.

      With that, I'm getting back up on my high horse now and riding off into the sunset of this Friday afternoon with glee. Giddy-up!!

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    3. Funny how you don't know anything about her situation. But thanks for jumping to conclusions!

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  2. Anonymous,
    Why do you feel the need to comment negatively on every blog post Phenom writes. Obviously you are the one with no life and has problems. She is not making her ex out to be a monster when she is stating true statements. I am currently expecting my first child and I would never condone my baby's father to see his kid if he had half of the problems her ex had. How is she not looking out for her child's best interest when she doesn't want an alcohol/porn addicted/psycho father seeing his son if hes not getting help for his problems. I think it says alot about yourself if you would be okay with someone like that around your kids. Which I'm hoping you don't have. We all know you enjoy reading the blog and being the only hater on here but try not to pick apart every little thing she says. You are only making yourself look like an ass.

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    1. Thank you! A-friggin'-MEN.

      For the record, my heard aches that my STBX chooses to be a douche canoe 95% of the time instead of focusing on what is best for our VERY young and impressionable son. I pray that the fuckery dished out from him on his end stops as early as yesterday. I pray that he'll never put alcohol or any other addictions of his over his loved ones ever again. I beg him to stop being selfish through this divorce process in almost every communication. In the meantime, I won't hold my breath waiting for God to grant me and our child that miracle.

      Instead, I chose to keep my eyes and ears open. And I will protect my son and his best interests 'til the day I die.

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  3. Anonymous,
    No, thank you for jumping to conclusions. I have known Phenom for since I was 14 years old and I know a whole lot more about her situation, what kind of person,and what kind of mother she is than you do. How dare you tell someone that because they use a blog to post how they are feeling, what's going on in there life,etc. That they are not a good mother. Are you kidding me? If you actually did actually know anything about her situation you would not be making half of the comments that you do.

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  4. Sorry if I'm missing something, when when has she ever referred to her ex as Susan Powell's ex? Are you just a real-life hater hiding behind an internet mask? If so, maybe you should grow a vagina and own up to who you are. Funny how people only say certain things when they think know one knows who they are. But anyways,I feel sorry for you for spending so much time hating on someone who has probably never done any wrong to you. And, Phenom is a wonderful mother. I just about bet that her ex probably doesn't have enough feelings for anyone other than himself to write up thought provoking or insightful blogs. Unless it's about porn...

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    1. Yes, I really wish that all the comments here were about the actual blog post. You know, right to free speech and all that jazz? Oh well.

      I do appreciate all the support, though! Warm fuzzies, once again. Haters are gonna hate ... so everyone just take a deep breath and remember that :)

      And Jen, OMG your last sentence made me LOL. Literally. So true!

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  5. You know how I feel about the term "douche canoe" -- so thank you for including me in a post that highlights that kick-ass description!

    ;)

    Keep in mind, Phenom, that the loudest "anonymous" haters are typically involved in some way...yet not brave enough to admit it.

    Whether it is an inconvenient truth or not for some, the First Amendment does exist, and it does protect you. However, judges do have the last say, and oftentimes they forget about that silly little clause (again: why hasn't ANYONE invented sarcasm font yet?).

    As long as you know that going in, you should be fine. It may end up a war instead of a battle, but you seem to have a stash of artillery and an arsenal of support. Congrats and best of luck on your journey...

    And thank you for calling me "kick-ass" -- though I think you may be projecting, because you sure seem to embody that concept! :)

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    1. I bet money that any haters trolling around this blog are indeedy from "the other side". I find it just a tad sad, pathetic and totally humorous. Oh and am I flattered that I have people out there with nothing else better to do? Yuppers :)

      I've discussed my blog with my attorney and we are not too concerned about it. Considering the artillery I do have, my first amendment rights and that my legal name isn't associated with my blogging (yet) ... nothing to sweat over, so I've been told. Happy Blogging!

      I love writing here. It is the cheapest, yet most beneficial brand of therapy I could ever ask for. I don't know why I didn't start one sooner!

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  6. Anonymous,

    First, since you've taken the time to read multiple posts on this blog, you must have noticed that this is a place where intelligent and honest expressions reside. This happens to include reasonably proper grammar, spelling, and the like. Your sheer inability to express yourself without shortening words, slang terms, a host of incorrectly spelled words, and ridiculously poor sentence structures merely extends the level of intellect with which your opinions are being asserted into this blog. Or, in other words, your inability to express yourself in an intellectual manner coupled with your desire to remain anonymous simply invalidates the majority of your response. So, if you can't up your communication skills and take responsibility for your opinions through identifying yourself, perhaps do the rest of the blogging community a favor and take those opinions elsewhere.

    Second, this blog is about a woman and HER story. Her son is a part of that story, but is in no way being exploited. People post pictures of their children all over the internet and often with far less protect (like the lack of names, which is the case in this blog). A parent's choice to post her child's picture in a blog is no different than posting in any other public medium. It's a personal and parental choice, neither of which are your business to pass judgement on or comment about to others.

    Third, I fail to see a "high horse" anywhere in this blog or in the blogger. In fact, the opposite is closer to the truth. Phenom is all about facts and emotional honesty, including her own failures and victories. She has never portrayed herself as anything else. Just because you disagree with someone's actions doesn't mean that they are automatically on a "high horse" with ill-placed priorities.

    Fourth, given your tone it would seem logical that you are, in fact, a part of Phenom's ex's life. Thus, why are you here? Are you looking for dirt? Trying to assist her ex in attempting to extend control of her and her actions? What's the motive, because as far as I can see, it isn't a good one. Instead of playing such a juvenile game, tell the STBX to start his own blog. If Phenom's blog upsets him so much, he can "get even" via expressing his own thoughts and feelings in his own personal space. But get yourself out of her personal space and allow her to process, heal, and move on from the relationship as she chooses and as is her constitutional right.

    Finally, by sneaking around and spying for this man, you are only enabling his already poor behavior. That is neither beneficial to him nor his relationship with his son. So, if you truly care about him, do him a favor and encourage him to grow up and act like a responsible and mature man seeking a healthy dissolution of the marriage, a custody arrangement that is in the best interest of his son and personal behaviors that are becoming of a loving, selfless, and committed father. Until he is able to do these things, Phenom has every right to desire to protect their son from his own father - because it IS in the child's best interest (sadly), and she, as his mother, is compelled to ensure his well-being to the very best of her abilities.

    For the record, that makes her a GOOD mother and the STBX a poor excuse for a father. If he or you don't like the facts, than he needs to change them by changing his behavior.

    I could say much more, but Phenom is perfectly capable of standing up for herself. The anonymous post simply pissed me off tonight and thus required a response on my part.

    Happy blogging, my dear! Whatever you can do to assist you in processing your experiences in life is great. The fact that blogging is one of them is fantastic - it's beneficial for you on multiple levels and you just may help others in finding the inspiration for seeking their own "wonderful" too!

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    1. Thank you so much!! This comment is pure ass-kicking genius.

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    2. Wow!! Very well said Katie!

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    3. Ditto! I just started following her blog & she has definitely become my inspiration during my own battles.

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    4. Allison, I think I just replied to you on twitter but I'll elaborate more here.

      As sorry as I am to hear about anyone going through anything even remotely similar to what I went through with the STBX (and hell, what I am still going through!), I am thrilled and flattered that you can find inspiration and comfort through me sharing my story.

      I blog for myself, first and foremost, but it makes it all the more worthwhile when I hear that my words are touching others positively. Please keep reading and commenting. Oh and pass my blog around to all of your friends (a little shameless plugging never hurt anyone, right?) ....

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    5. Hmmm yes, I can almost feel Katie hitting the Nail...right on the Head...lol

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    6. I have very valid reason to believe that the first comment on this post, the anonymous ignoramous hating coward,... well I think that is my STBX mother-in-law.

      I could be wrong, but my gut and intuition is telling me otherwise.

      As I go through this process with the STBX and his family, I can't help but find motivation to promise myself (and my son) that I will always try to resist enabling poor behavior from my children, regardless of how hard it may be to resist.

      Enabling and excusing an adult child's infliction of abuse on other people, their addictions, immaturity, and other bad behavior is the worst kind of love.
      More importantly, enabling self-indulgent and selfish behavior in adult children is anything BUT good parenting.

      Just because a child is an adult, doesn't mean your job as their parent is over.

      Instead of coming here to my blog and hating on me, maybe the following website should be visited?

      http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/2008/04/how-to-stop-enabling-when-our-grown-children-disappoint-us.html

      Delete

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