We all know that married men cheat. This is a given.
But do we ever really think about who exactly these men are cheating on their wives with? If we do, most of us assume it's with stalker, desperate women having low morals who willingly don the "home-wrecker" persona while holding on to delusional hope that their beau will leave their wife for them soon enough.
As a society, we hate the "other woman". That bitch! Who does she think she is? Could she be any more of a pathetic whore?
Even I've never really given much thought to any other possible scenarios. Until recently. Until I unknowingly became the "other woman". As alone as I feel, some internet research tells me that I am not. Alarmingly, almost 20% of women will unknowingly date a married man.
It is shocking. Just how many men are out there leading double lives? What the hell is the world coming to?
It has taken me two whole days to come out of the state of shock I've been drowning in since discovering that the man I've been dating since early January, that I've known since last November, is actually a married man who's been masquerading around as a single, sincere, hard-working father.
I'm seriously sick over it. And even though it truly isn't my fault that I was duped so horribly, I am still feeling so ashamed. I also feel repulsed and disgusted to find out that the man I've been developing feelings for, that I've been intimate with, was actually leading a double life so perverse and twisted he can't be anything else other than insane.
I am not trying to belittle rape when I say this, but I feel almost as if I have been violated to that level somehow. I never asked to be the "other woman" and I would never willingly sleep with a married man. I feel entirely violated; I opened up to someone under false pretenses. Without knowing the whole story. While being lied to. It is just so utterly wrong and I don't understand the why of it at all. Again, the only thing I can think of is that the man is not right in the head and trying to explain insanity is pretty much impossible.
In a desperate attempt to do all I can to make right out of something so entirely wrong, I paid a chuck of money to an online PI the other night so that I could contact his wife. I stared at the background check and contact information for a good hour or so before I could muster up the courage to actually pick up my phone and start dialing. I was shaking so bad that I mis-dialed twice before getting the numbers right. Making that phone call was probably the hardest thing that I've ever done in my life, next to packing up everything I built for six long years with the STBX, along with our child, and leaving my own cluster-fuck of a marriage.
It turns out that the only working number that I was able to find was for a relative. In the end it doesn't really matter who it was that I ended up speaking with; I shared what I knew, what I didn't know and how I feel about all of it. I've also been able to forward along the e-mails that I have from him proving that I did not know and did not willingly participate in destroying a family.
I am not a home-wrecker. I did not want to be the "other woman".
I hope that one day I can look back on this experience and instead of feeling shame from being so thoroughly deceived, I'll instead feel peace in knowing that I did the right things in the aftermath.
"The most important human endeavor is striving for morality in our actions. Our inner balance and even our very existence depend on it. Only morality in our actions can give beauty and dignity to our lives." ~ Albert Einstein