Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Learning My Truths, Episode 3: I am resilient

Previously in this series, I've admitted that I will never master multitasking (hello, ADHD anyone?) and that I wear my emotions on my sleeve most of the time (even when it serves me poorly, hence why I've hired a lawyer to represent me in court).  In related posts, I've also delved into how far from perfect I am and, not to mention, how I am really okay with all of that and with what makes me vulnerable.

How about I share something about myself that is a bit more positive for a change? Shocker!

Everyone has talents and strengths. One of mine is being a master of resiliency. For every time I've ever been knocked down, I just get right back up. I bounce back. Sometimes, I bounce farther than where I started off in the first place.  I think I'm becoming more of aware of why that is, and it may be more of a learned skill than an innate one, but more on that in a moment ...

If divorce has to be a process, resilience is also a process and it is one that must be in the subtext of the overall journey if you plan on not just getting through it, but rising up out of it to end up somewhere wonderful when all is said and done.

Resilience must be part of the journey and you must chose it to be part of yours if you want your travels to take you somewhere wonderful. 

You can not trudge through shit in this life and just expect to come out clean on the other side without putting some actual effort into the process. You have to get yourself to the shower, turn the water on and actually stand under the pounding stream to accomplish purging yourself of said shit. It is messy, sometimes the water scalds and yes, sometimes your toddler will flush the toilet on you and freeze your ass faster than you can leap out without breaking your neck.

First and foremost, some effort is required. No one is just resilient by nature. At least, I can't seem to find any evidence supporting a theory that while some of us are born with a gene predisposing us to being resilient, others are simply lacking when it comes to such hereditary blessings.

Instead, it is becoming more and more apparent as I travel along that one has to foster one's own resiliency. Resilience in itself has to be both cultivated and practiced.  And, I am proud to stand up on my blogsphere soapbox here and shout out, "I am resilient only because I aspire to be." [Picture a, "I am woman, hear me roar" sort of presence please.]

What am I doing to achieve this skill set for being resilient? Well, for one thing, I am writing this blog but that little detail is truly minute when looking at the big picture. And the big picture is this:

1.   I'm not only learning that I can not control everything, but I am accepting that I can not control everything. The latter part of this is insanely more important than the former.

2.   I'm practicing being authentic daily. I am not ashamed of the mistakes that I have made, or of the ones I will continue to make as I move forward.  My stumbles humble me, freeing up my emotional resources to just love who I am, flaws and all.

3.   I do not see failures as having failed. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. And again. Also, be wiser in doing so. Adjust the course you are traveling, make changes in how you plan to get where you are going based on what hasn't worked in the past ... but just keep moving, striving and reaching for whatever it is you are after.

4.   I do not fall into thinking traps. Instead, I am a sponge for knowledge, lessons and new information and flexible thinking gives me power to overcome obstacles encountered and breakdowns suffered along the way.

5.  I am optimistic, for the most part. I don't see any set back as my own personal Armageddon. It is impossible to bounce back from falling down (or been pushed down on your ass) if every negative thing in your life is treated as if it is the end of your life. There is always a silver lining to every cloud and the trick is to let yourself see that, even if your days are full of doom and gloom sometimes.

6.   I sometimes fake it until I make it. Even if I don't truly think that I can get through something, I challenge myself to at least pretend that I can. I envision myself taking risks, heeding the necessary precautions and rising up to challenges even when all seems lost. And then I fake it. Most of the time, this approach allows me to make it more often than not.

7.    I'm not too proud to ask for help. I reach out for support when I need it. I over-reach for support too, and that serves as a sort of safety-net buffer or something. I've found that just knowing that there are people there for me if I need them helps to alleviate some of the stress that often comes with facing adversity. Or divorce. Or dating while going through divorce.

8.   I practice gratitude.  Being thankful for all of the blessings that I do have in this life, and awareness of expressions of such gratitude, allows me to really be happy. Set backs and all.

I am resilient because I chose to be. How about you? When facing adversity, do you actively embark on a journey towards resiliency? How do you accomplish that?


  1. Thinking traps - what a good way of putting it. I have fallen into that many a time. It's a tough one to kick. What a quality list of things you haev learned and that you are. Resiliency is indeed a learned quality and not everyone has it, in my opinion. You are proof of it!!

    1. Thanks. I hesitate to get all "soap-box-preachy" sometimes on here because I don't want people to think I have a huge ego that needs stroking ... but I also don't want to be all, "look at how much I suck at life" either. I think it is about being balanced, maybe?

      This blogging thing is totally teaching me to not only recognize my flaws, but to also decide which parts to work on and which parts to just accept as is for just being me ... but also, blogging is teaching me that it is okay to acknowledge everything about me that makes me wonderful too. Divorce and all. Flaws and all. I am finally starting to believe that HEY, I am a catch ... one failed marriage does not mean that I am doomed forever when it comes to relationships, nor does it mean that I am unlovable, flawed or anything of the sort.

      This blogging thing: it is awesome!


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