Thursday, September 20, 2012

When bitterness tastes oh so sweet . . .

What was already ugly is about to get uglier.


The STBX isn't just a douche canoe and suspected narcissistic psycho. Nope. He's certifiably bitter to the point of insane hysteria.

In starting over wonderful, I would like to continue down roads that point towards sanity. Unfortunately, I may be pushed down a path of insanity against my will in a bitter divorce battle that is nonsensical, financially unsound for BOTH parties and completely asinine given the brevity of our marriage and circumstances surrounding its dissolution.

Anyway, last June our visitation orders for our son were made final.  The standard schedule states that the STBX has standard visitation from Friday at 8:00 AM through Sunday at 6:30 PM on the third weekend of each month. There are various provisions in the order as to how we are to deal with exchanges, transportation, holidays, special occasions and notice of cancellations or reschedules etc., but the bottom line is his standard schedule is once per month on the third weekend of the month.

Since the order was made final, I've allowed two swaps or exchanges for weekends other than the standard third weekends and on both of those occasions, I've also allowed visitation to run from Thursday at 8:00 AM through Sunday at 6:30 PM.  My thinking was that so long as I was more than cooperative with the STBX on the issues that I had control over, he would see the open door to mutual cooperativeness and start to treat me in the same manner on the issues he had control over.

I don't know what I was thinking.  I blame my break from blogging ... that consistent reminder that he is a douche canoe was clearly necessary in order for me to maintain a clear vision of who he really is.

This is a man that is so bitter he can't even look me in the eye during exchanges of our two year old son without visible feelings of contempt overwhelming his entire body.  Yes, I see your lip curled, Douche Canoe, and I notice the stiff hesitation to even let me hug and kiss our child good-bye before he's whisked away from me.

This is a man so bitter .... that every interaction is painstaking, complicated and fraught with manipulation tactics to push my buttons, anger me, frustrate me and upset me.

This is a man so bitter ... that despite my efforts to forgive, disconnect and disengage he still clings to me in an effort to maintain some sort of connection that is entirely poisonous and based on loathing and a disgusting need to somehow seek revenge on me for merely me leaving him.

This is a man so bitter ... that he can not keep his word regarding when he'll pay child support money owed to me or about going forward with an uncontested divorce despite all evidence pointing to the fact that moving forward in that manner makes the most sense and serves our child's best interests for us being able to adequately provide for him in both the short and long-term.

This is a man so bitter .... my words are consistently misconstrued or simply not heard. Trying to reason with him is as about effective as trying to raise the water level of the ocean by spitting in it.  Trying to work out a fair property settlement is impossible, because he is just so damn bitter he finds it impossible to treat me fairly.

This is a man so bitter ... I've never been happier to be away from him and to be in a position where I don't have to listen to him, deal with him or associate with him.

Earlier this month I came to my senses and told him that, per the advice of my attorney, I was reverting back to the standard visitation schedule indefinitely and no longer would be open to the idea of swaps or exchanges of weekends.  This way, there is no need for us to be in any sort of consistent communication and I can be free from his never ending tactics to try and embitter my life.

Needless to say, this has infuriated him and he's trying everything in his power to paint me as a horrible mother alienating him from his child. Contrarily, I've told him that he is more than welcome to follow the standard visitation order as it is written.  It is up to him whether or not he chooses to exercise his visitation when he is court ordered to do so.

I've been told that he's fired his attorney and is actively seeking a new one to "make me pay".

I've also been told that he doesn't have a shot in hell to get anything more from me other than a divorce decree.

He may be a bitter man and he may force me into a bitter divorce battle, despite every effort on my part to provide us with a quick, clean and easy settlement (hey, I even paid for it already!), but a bitter divorce, as bitter as it is, is still far sweeter than a bitter marriage.

His bitterness tastes sweet to me because I know my rights, I have ample support backing me up and I know I will be free soon enough.

His bitterness brings me peace in spite of him.

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